Stupid Young Adults. We can calculate at what time two trains going the same direction from two different locations will meet in the middle, but we can’t boil an egg. Here are eighteen USEFUL lessons you need to learn before leaving home. For we are stupid and must be taught.
1. How to Read a Recipe
Step 2: Know what “add 1/3 tsp of egg yolk to 1/4 c of sifted flour, blend (not mix), and fold in the 2 cups of room temperature water” means.
2. How to Cook Basic Foods
We’re not talking Bouchée à la Reine here people. But at least know how to boil water, scramble an egg, and cook a box of macaroni!
3. How to Wash Dishes
Never forget the inseparable relationship between the dishwasher and sink overflow! Invariably one will go when you aren’t looking.
4. How to Thread a Needle
Decent people have been driven insane in the thread-needle-human war. Needles are notorious members of the anti-human party.
5. How to Sew a Basic Stitch
Murphy’s Law- You are at a dinner. One of two things will happen. Your pants will tear and show rear. Or your shirt will rip and show boob. Either way, a quick hand with a stitch is vital.
6. How to Operate a Washing Machine and Dryer.
Unless you don’t care if your pants end up mini-shorts and your shirts all look like bras. . .
7. How to Iron Clothes
Yeah. . . No. But seriously, there are all kinds of things involved in ironing (steam/no steam; direct contact/no direct contact). Key to ironing success–wear no wrinkle knits and avoid all formal events.
8. How to Clean A House
Shoveling it all in the closet won’t work anymore. Now you need to know how to use a mop, empty a vacuum, oil wood furniture, get rid of ants, clean the blinds, paint the walls, and patch the holes. All of which requires working with deadly chemicals. Repeatedly. For the Rest of your Life.
9. How to Care for the Yard
Yep, it’s time for mowing, weeding, seeding, growing, chopping, pruning, raking, and shoveling. Mostly with pointy weapons.
10. How to Test Emergency Safety
No, just no.
11. How to Recognize Tool Names
That’s just the screwdriver heads. We haven’t even started on types of pliers, hammers, drills, drill bits, and saws.
12. How to Plan a Budget.
LOL!!! Funny—–true, which makes it funny. 🙂