18 Things To Know Before You Leave Home (Boys Too!)

2 Feb

Stupid Young Adults.  We can calculate at what time two trains going the same direction from two different locations will meet in the middle, but we can’t boil an egg.  Here are eighteen USEFUL lessons you need to learn before leaving home.  For we are stupid and must be taught.

1. How to Read a Recipe

via "Silly and Serious"

via “Silly and Serious”

Step 2: Know what “add 1/3 tsp of egg yolk to 1/4 c of sifted flour, blend (not mix), and fold in the 2 cups of room temperature water” means.

2. How to Cook Basic Foods

via dreamingofsomethingbetter
via dreamingofsomethingbetter

We’re not talking Bouchée à la Reine  here people.  But at least know how to boil water, scramble an egg, and cook a box of macaroni!

3. How to Wash Dishes

via Pin n Tell

via Pin n Tell

Never forget the inseparable relationship between the dishwasher and sink overflow! Invariably one will go when you aren’t looking.

4. How to Thread a Needle

Decent people have been driven insane in the thread-needle-human war.  Needles are notorious members of the anti-human party.

5. How to Sew a Basic Stitch

via "Kuripachan

via “Kuripachan

Murphy’s Law- You are at a dinner. One of two things will happen. Your pants will tear and show rear. Or your shirt will rip and show boob. Either way, a quick hand with a stitch is vital.

6. How to Operate a Washing Machine and Dryer.

via lolshelf

via lolshelf

Unless you don’t care if your  pants end up mini-shorts and your shirts all look like bras. . .

7. How to Iron Clothes

via Pinterest

via Pinterest

Yeah. . . No.  But seriously, there are all kinds of things involved in ironing (steam/no steam; direct contact/no direct contact).  Key to ironing success–wear no wrinkle knits and avoid all formal events.

8. How to Clean A House

rhl.org

rhl.org

Shoveling it all in the closet won’t work anymore. Now you need to know how to use a mop, empty a vacuum, oil wood furniture, get rid of ants, clean the blinds, paint the walls, and patch the holes. All of which requires working with deadly chemicals.  Repeatedly. For the Rest of your Life.

9. How to Care for the Yard

via "Deanmarston" on Tumblr

via “Deanmarston” on Tumblr

Yep, it’s time for mowing, weeding, seeding, growing, chopping, pruning, raking, and shoveling.  Mostly with pointy weapons.  

10. How to Test Emergency Safety

via "Ridic" on Tumblr

via “Ridic” on Tumblr

No, just no.  

11. How to Recognize Tool Names

via Blog.tinydeal.com

via Blog.tinydeal.com

That’s just the screwdriver heads. We haven’t even started on types of pliers, hammers, drills, drill bits, and saws. 

12. How to Plan a Budget.

tumblr_mnzpmtqbbA1qzfgrpo2_250tumblr_mnzpmtqbbA1qzfgrpo1_250

 

Hard Life Lesson #1: No matter how rich you are, there will always be a time when you’re broke (paycheck’s late, credit card’s stolen, bank froze accounts, daddy’s mad and cut your inheritance).  When that happens, you have to know how to lay out your expenses!

13. How to Pay the Bills

via "Pauldespain" on Tumblr

via “Pauldespain” on Tumblr

If your parents have always paid the bills, have them walk you through an explanation. Need to knows: what’s included in the bill, when is the standard due date, do the accounts align, does it cost extra to pay online?

14.  How to Arrange Insurance

tumblr_mwyfjpMXs51qdlh1io1_400

Because people are idiots.  And there are fires. And accidents. But most of all, because you will now own a car/house/yourself and thus you must pay.

15. How to Shop on a Budget.

dream-closet-o

Because we aren’t all Barbie, and few houses have space for closets this big.  It’s more than just comparing prices–you need to start checking out coupons, Goodwill, second-hand stores, sales, and picking penny’s up off the ground.  One day, you’ll be grateful for every cent.

16. How to Check Your Bank Account Online

tumblr_mjrgn4D4bN1s8czzko1_250

Because understanding how poor you are is a large part of growing up.

17. How to File Taxes

tumblr_n057bvW6FI1sl5ulyo1_400

No matter how un-fun it sounds, go through your parents taxes with them when they file.  Taxes are a pain in the a** at the best of times; don’t let your first experience with them be on your own that first April 14 when your parents are clear across the country.  

18. How to Write Professional Letters.

a-letter-from-a-burgler-from-a-victim-922770023-278881

Okay, so this letter is just funny.  On a more serious note, you’re now looking at leases, deposits, contracts, business contracts, letters to companies, etc.  Learn how to write a mature business letter before you have to figure it out in a fit of rage at the landlord.

via "Holyshitspn"  on Tumblr

via “Holyshitspn” on Tumblr

One Response to “18 Things To Know Before You Leave Home (Boys Too!)”

  1. mytwangle February 2, 2014 at 10:56 pm #

    LOL!!! Funny—–true, which makes it funny. 🙂

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