Grow Up.

It’s not too much to ask, is it?

That you step up, take some responsibility for your life, and take some of the burden off your mom’s shoulders?  

I get it, it’s tough. I know your heart is broken; I see the holes left behind when your father isn’t there. I see the anger and humiliation you feel as you watch your mom suffering, see her struggling to make ends meet and to satisfy all your needs and hers beside.  I know that you resent the world for not helping, for not stepping in and lifting you and your family up. That you are confused, because on the one hand you want so much more for her and your family, but that feels like a betrayal to the mother who is already doing so much.

It feels so unfair and it makes you so angry and sad that you don’t know whether to rage or cry. You just want to let everyone know how upset you are, but you know that honestly, no one really cares.

 It doesn’t matter if you’ve never met the man or if you’ve lived with him for years. Neither do any of the other excuses people try to give for why your heart shouldn’t be this shattered.  In your brain, you get it–it’s not your fault. Your heart is less easy to convince, too cluttered by embarrassment, excuses, and defenses.  

And even if it isn’t your fault, why didn’t you and your mom deserve better? Why were you the ones fate chose to leave stranded and abandoned? Why do some people have lives so rosy and cheery, and yours is nothing but a struggle and an effort to break even? Every day you go to school, to church, to the grocery store, to the group meetings – and it makes you so angry all over again. Why is their life so easy when your mom’s life is so hard?

I know that you love your mother; that your anger and sadness are never meant to damage her. That even if she’s the one who gets the brunt of it all, you’re angry for her not at her.  You see how hard she works for you and your family, and you know she deserves better. But that just makes you all the angrier and sadder. How dare he? How dare the world ignore and mock your pain with easy platitudes and constant excuses?

And I understand why you are driven for approval from others; regardless of how low of character they themselves might be. 

That need for people to accept  you, because each person that offers approval is one more person proving your father wrong.  It’s one more person you can shove in his face, the world’s face, to say “SEE! I am worth more than this . . . I deserved better!”

No matter how much you deny it – there is always an unceasing, burning rage at the unfairness of life, the ignorance of those around you who just don’t get it!  It keeps stirring up in there, and sometimes you just want to SCREAM at them all until he comes crawling back to you begging for forgiveness.  

And You’re right.

It’s not fair.

It’s not just.

You were wronged, and you do deserve better.

It’s not okay, and there is nothing anyone will ever do to make it completely okay for you again.

Life Sucks.

So stop. Right now, just stop what you’re doing and scream. Cry. Yell at the world all the angry things you ever wanted to tell it.  Stomp your feet. Break things. Beat the wall as much as you want – I don’t care if you bloody your knuckles on the dam*ed thing, get it all out.  You have been wronged and you have the right to let everyone know just how horrible and furious it makes you feel. Even better, write an email to your actual father and tell him all of that. He deserves to hear it, and, speaking from experience, it will do you good to tell him.

Done?

Now Grow Up.

Get over it.  

Stop letting this be an excuse for wasting your life. 

So you were wronged? Good. Now, take that anger, that sadness, that power and let it motivate you to become better than anyone would have ever expected.   Continue reading →

Tags: advice, Letter, maturity, parenting, Social Problems